Illustration from Wasted Energies, Baffled Thoughts: On the Writing of the Insane.
Category: Absurdist Texts & Documents
How to Write the Suicide Note
The following is an excerpt from Doktor Bey’s Suicide Guidebook, just published in a Black Scat Classic Interim Edition, part of the Absurdist Texts & Documents series. Limited to 85 copies.
THE SUICIDE NOTE
Here are ten tips to aid you in writing your suicide note, a particular often overlooked.
- Use of the first person is generally preferred.
- For maximum impact and credibility, always write in the past tense. (Example:: I was a failure in business.)
- If you are without family, friends, or even enemies, address the note “To Whom It May Concern.”
- When possible, use a typewriter. Far too many notes are indecipherable.
- Keep a carbon copy in your pocket, in case the original is misplaced.
- Do not concern yourself with the “beginning-middle-end” rule. Just concentrate on the end.
- Keep in mind that these are your last words. They should be commensurate with your social position. They should reverberate in the reader’s mind! Avoid such clichés as “Goodbye cruel world” and “To be or not to be . . .” Strive for the poetic.
- Self-pity, slang, and obscenity are acceptable.
- If artistically inclined, attach a self-portrait.
- Be brief. Nothing is more boring than a long goodbye.
* * * *
The Original How-To to End All is Back!
Long before Dr. Kevorkian was turning off the lights and the Hemlock Society was stocking up on helium—before jihadis were blowing themselves to smithereens—there was DOKTOR BEY’S SUICIDE GUIDEBOOK—the inspiration behind the worldwide assisted suicide movement. Indeed, the SUICIDE GUIDEBOOK (originally published by Dodd, Mead & Co. in 1977) is the world’s first, lavishly illustrated how-to to end all. Written by the notorious Doktor Bey, it has everything you need to know—including tips on composing the suicide note.
Black Scat Books is pleased to make this long out of print classic available to a new generation of the chronically depressed. With the world in chaos, DOKTOR BEY’S SUICIDE GUIDEBOOK is a welcome alternative to waiting around for Armageddon.
It’s a foolproof shortcut to god knows what.
Some Are Reading . . .
Just in time for the madhouse summer reading list: Bacon’s classic text in a lovely illustrated edition.
Number 16 in our Absurdist Texts & Documents series. Limited edition: 60 copies. $10.
Stars and Stripes Forever!
Strike up the band . . . stand and salute . . . a new book by experimental writer and critic Richard Kostelanetz has just rolled off the press in all its patriotic splendor. The Works & Life of Kosty Richards: An American Career will be an inspiration to every red-blooded American—especially those who aspire to the heights of literary celebrity.
_______________
CLICK HERE to order a copy of this limited edition.
Strangelove Go Code
photo: Assaulty Cracker
Washington (CNN) — In an unprecedented action, an Air Force commander has stripped 17 of his officers of their authority to control and launch nuclear missiles.
The 17 are being sent to undergo 60 to 90 days of intensive refresher training on how to do their jobs. The action comes after their unit performed poorly on an inspection and one officer was investigated for potential compromise of nuclear launch codes, according to Lt. Col. John Dorrian, an Air Force spokesman.
The story was first reported by The Associated Press.
The action was taken by the deputy commander of the 91st Operations Group, Lt. Col. Jay Folds, whose officers run launch control centers for the Minuteman III nuclear missiles from Minot Air Force Base in North Dakota.
FURTHER READING:
The Idiot Hath Arrived!
No, not that idiot, this idiot…
Esteemed French drama critic (and the butt of derision at the cabaret Le Chat Noir), Francisque Sarcey reviewed the premiere of Alfred Jarry‘s Ubu Roi with this visionary verdict: ”…a filthy fraud which deserves nothing but the silence of contempt.”
Writer and humorist Alphonse Allais transformed Sarcey into an Ubuesque piñata in a series of wicked columns published under Sarcey’s name in the newspaper Le Chat Noir.
Never before in English, this rare collection is introduced and translated from the French by Doug Skinner. Edition limited to 60 printed copies. #00 in our Black Scat Classics sub-series.
“How I Became an Idiot reminds me of Félix Fénéon’s excellent Novels in Three Lines… the unexpected is suddenly present, and there is rudeness, as well as a savagery of attack that we simply can’t imagine anyone doing to any well-known columnist of today and getting away with it.”
—Jeff Bursey, author of Verbatim: A Novel
Prepare yourself for some nasty laughs.
PUBLISHER’S NOTE: THIS TITLE IS OUT OF PRINT.
There will be no June Gloom here…
Get out your markers and circle June 1st. That’s publication day for How I Became an Idiot by Francisque Sarcey. Sarcey (1827-1899) was an esteemed French drama critic and the butt of derision at the cabaret Le Chat noir. He reviewed the premiere of Alfred Jarry‘s Ubu Roi with this visionary verdict: “…a filthy fraud which deserves nothing but the silence of contempt.”
Yes, he was a visionary idiot.
BUT WAIT, THERE’S IRONY.
In the good hands of Alphonse Allais, Sarcey became an Ubuesque piñata for the avant-garde artists and writers of Montmartre. The absurdist master wrote a series of wicked columns for the newspaper Le Chat noir under the name Francisque Sarcey and, as you might imagine, merdre hit the fan. Pies and fists were flying and high society was aghast.
Be prepared for some nasty laughs in How I Became an Idiot. Never before in English, this rare collection has been translated from the French by the great Doug Skinner and is being issued in an extremely limited edition of 60 copies.
PUBLISHER’S NOTE: THIS TITLE IS OUT OF PRINT
Read more about forthcoming Interim Editions on the Bookends page here.
T.S. on American Publishers (1957)
“The way they work, they examine a manuscript for a
while and then they may say ‘Oh yes, this is like Look
Homeward Angel,’ and then they look up the sales
record of Look Homeward Angel, and if that’s all right
they’ll take it. But if the manuscript happens to be
just a bit original, you can save yourself the postage…
unless it’s five or six hundred pages, of course, then
they’re rather apt to take it, anything; they got that
idea from big cars—you know, ‘What’s good for
General Motors…by Cracky!’ ” —Terry Southern
from HOT HEART OF BOAR & Other Tastes
illustration by Norman Conquest, from Hot Heart of Boar
Pornobongo, mon amour
